White Fragility

  Over the course of February, Black History Month in the United States, I engaged in a journaling exercise which was meant to help me confront the influence of white supremacy in my own heart and mind.  The author of the journaling exercise, Layla Saad, walks readers through a series of issues that reveal the depths of how racism really works in the lives of white people.  I found that journaling exercise profoundly transformative and necessary for my life.  Near the end of that journey I committed to continuing the work of paying attention to the influences of white supremacy on me, by staying engaged in the topic, reading further, and listening to the voices of teachers who could help me see what I needed to see in order to experience greater freedom from white supremacy.

  The book titled: "White Fragility" by Robin Diangelo, was the first book I picked up after this journaling exercise.  And I have been challenged again!

  Diangelo does a masterful job of articulating, in an autobiographical way, the effects of white supremacy, white centeredness and white norms on her own life.  And while I read her words, I sensed deep resonance with my own experiences and thoughts.

  There are far too many valuable insights in this book for me to distill in a short blog post.  You need to read this for yourself.  But, I will say one of the more helpful insights for me, was the redefinition of racism as not individual malicious actions but rather a system of oppressive forces which have over many centuries made whiteness normative and centered, and any other skin color lesser or inferior.

   This shift in definition alone, breaks down the all too often guarded reaction of white people which has come to be known as white fragility.  White people who are nice, and not involved with groups like the KKK or other blatant hate groups can excuse themselves from responsibility because it's "not their problem" but that reveals the individual centered definition of racism, which is far too simplistic to capture the reality of this terrible and evil system.

  All this to say, if you want a very helpful guide to understanding why you as a white person have a hard time talking about race, this one is a great start.  And I highly recommend Layla Saad's journaling experience as well.  It is essential if you want to be active in the work of ending racism.

The Baptism of Silence

 

I am a contemplative at heart.  I have been to numerous monasteries both in the United States and elsewhere, and I am in awe of the life of a monastic community.  This is the way I am wired.  I love the beauty of monasteries, the quiet and reflective environment which is set up to foster connection with God and others.  And in the midst of all the trappings of the contemplative life, I am most enamored with silence.
  Silence is a spiritual discipline of keeping our mouths (both external and internal) closed long enough that we can truly listen.  I have been trying over years to nurture this discipline in my life and along the road of my own spiritual journey.  And it has become a sanctuary of reflection and revelation.
  I have come to see silence as a type of baptism.  Whereas actual baptism is a submersion under water and a return to the air, symbolizing the death of the false self, and the birth of the true self in Christ, silence is a death of noise and distraction and the rise of real attention.  Presence.  Awareness.
  When I am silent, it takes time for my inner voice to quiet and for my thoughts to settle down, but eventually there comes time where I am able to just be and just listen.
   I also recognize that in silence I am letting go of some control, because I am not the master of the conversation.  I am the recipient.  I am putting myself in a stance where I can truly receive something from the Ultimate Giver.  Sometimes I hear, or sense a leading in some direction.  Sometimes I don't hear anything or sense anything.  But always, I am with the One who calls me Son and tells me I am loved.
  Silence is purifying, and thus again, resonates with baptism.  It washes away my worries, and my schedule and my drive to do and check things off of lists.  Silence not only takes these away, but it also gives me something.  There is a deep inner, and sometimes hard to describe, peace.  A type of tranquility that comes with having stopped speaking, and stopped moving in order to pay attention to my breath and be fully present to the Trinity.
  Now, I won't pretend that this is easy.  It is actually quite difficult at times, and sometimes one of the first observations I make in silence is how tired I am and I am drifting more toward sleep than to focus and attention.  But, I have rarely, if ever, felt that silence was a waste of time.
  There are so many competing voices, noises, commitments and other stuff of life that distract, pull and demand of us, but silence offers a time and space for being centered on the most real real.  The God who is Love.  The source of my life breath and the oasis of life giving refreshment.
  Consider this your invitation to take even a few minutes each day and spend them in silence.

2019 - Spiritual Depth

  I am not a huge proponent of new years resolutions.  Although, I am proud to say I have made and kept a few here and there over my 35 years.  There are definitely some which I failed to maintain throughout a few given years, and while I can see the merit in making goals and attempting to better ourselves, I all too often feel as if these resolutions are an attempt at changing things in ourselves we don't like and we miss an even deeper invitation.
  I was reflecting on the past year (2018) and thinking ahead to 2019, when a thought occurred to me.  What if I intentionally invested in my soul, and took notice of how God worked through this over the coming year?  I have read numerous books in the arena of Spiritual Formation and I have been on spiritual retreats and even had the experience of investing in a long journey with a cohort of people specifically giving ourselves to the path of spiritual depth and shaping.
   I found myself looking at 2019 and saying, "My soul needs to be a primary goal."
   I had inconsistently over the past year and half, read my Bible, spent time in prayer and other spiritual disciplines and practices, but on the door step of a new year, I found myself hungry for more and thirsty for consistency.  So, while my goal for my soul is not technically a New Year's resolution, it will serve the purpose of helping me to find greater spiritual depths this next year, and to hopefully allow space for God to do what only God can do - shape my soul and confer upon me my true identity.
   I will be rereading numerous texts I have read in the past, with the goal of taking my time and meditating on them slowly.  Additionally, I hope to spend time with a spiritual director and find time for some retreats along the way as well. 
   My hope and prayer for anyone reading this, is that you would not take your soul for granted, and not set it on the back burner as if it is less important than other aspects of your life.  Rather, I hope you will find the necessary path to prioritize your soul and its shaping, and allow God the time and space to do what God does.   Blessings and Happy New Year!