Idol Nation

  Over the course of my life, I have learned more and more of the national history of my home country - the United States of America.  I am a history buff, and I love understanding what culture and society was like in previous eras. 
   I remember learning about battles during the revolutionary war, I remember learning the history of my home state (Minnesota) via field trips to the state capital and other notable landmarks.  I remember learning about the Civil War, and different Presidents.  I remember learning about notable figures in American history - inventors, scientists, athletes, leaders, etc.
   The more I have learned about my country's history, the more I have come to respect it and at the same time recognize that for all of our ideals as a nation we have fostered egregious injustices.  Slavery, internment of Japanese Americans, systematic oppression and removal of Native Americans from their lands, racism, segregation and much more.  We are a nation with ideals and with a sordid and dark history.
   I have found that knowing this history has humbled me and seasoned any patriotic illusions I may have.  I have found that to be a follower of Jesus in the United States of America, is to wrestle with this history and recognize that for many the flag, the national anthem, the military, all of the essence of American culture have become idols.  There are many who have so conflated these things that they have mangled the scriptures into telling them what they want to hear.  A rugged individualist, capitalist, gun toting, violent gospel of self-reliance.
   But, when we read Jesus in his context, with well attuned cultural lenses, we are humbled to find that a great deal of the things Americans prize, Jesus didn't.  And a great deal of things American's value, Jesus would call idols.
   The call to follow Jesus, includes understanding him in his own cultural context as a first century Jew living in an oppressed state under Roman rule, the son of a carpenter, and a marginalized teacher who didn't play the power politics of the other religious leaders of his day.  Jesus is quite unique when we understand him in his own context.  And if we claim to follow him, we will find that his context challenges our own.  It is actually really hard to follow Jesus, because he will call us to relinquish things we have idolized, and that may include our national pride.
   First, go to the text of Scripture and study Jesus in his own world.  Second, let him challenge you and call out your idols.  And lastly, have the courage to say out loud that as a follower of Jesus, the American flag, anthem and all of their accouterments are not one and the same with being a Christ follower.  They can and often do run counter to Jesus' identity, mission and calling for his church.  It's time to let the idols go, and follow Jesus.

Villainous: A Close Look at Unsavory Characters of the Bible

 

  I have been preaching a sermon series over the past several weeks, that will continue through to til the end of the year titled: Villainous: A Close Look at Unsavory Characters of the Bible.
  I have chosen 8 different characters from the larger biblical narrative who I am sharing about each week, and along the way we are seeking to understand their story, and learning something from them.
  It is a common practice to take the heroes and success stories and good moral examples of the Bible as opportunities for us to see what we can be about and how we can make wise choices.  However, we have much to learn from the unsavory characters as well.  In particular, I have noticed that we tend to compare ourselves to them and think things like: "Well, at least I am not that bad..."  or "I must be doing ok, because I have never committed atrocities like those..."  And so on and so forth.
  But, the real lesson in studying these characters is the profound realization that, in fact, we are far more like them then we want to admit.  And admitting that can be quite scary, as well as humbling.
   We have pride like they did, we have a controlling spirit like they did, we have much more of their character then we probably realize, and we need to confess, repent and see our need for Jesus as our Savior.  Emulate the heroes, look for the good examples, follow Jesus to be sure, but don't neglect the lessons that come from those who show us how not to do it, what our broken nature looks like, and how much we need Jesus' love, forgiveness and healing touch.
  You can listen to the audio of these sermons here:
   http://www.oasissanjose.org/sermonplayer/

Peace

Awake

Windows

Sacrifice

 

  I recently began rereading the book of Leviticus which is near the beginning of the Old Testament in the Bible.  Leviticus has 27 chapters, and is filled with a variety of different types of texts.  There are laws, rules and regulations for various religious practices, and other things as well.  When reading chapter 1 we are faced with the stark reality of animal sacrifice which God's people, Israel, practiced with the belief that every animal sacrificed paid for sins committed.
  While our modern sensitivities may be offended by the idea of animal sacrifice, we continue, even today, to honor the idea and practice of sacrifice.  When we see professional athletes who have worked extremely hard to get to the highest level of competition in their sport, we recognize sacrifice.  When we see leaders in the business world who have achieved great things through a company they have started, we recognize sacrifice.  When we see artists and scientists and entrepreneurs and others who have made something, discovered something, created something, we recognize sacrifice. 
  Sacrifice is simply the practice of giving one thing up in order to get something that we deem greater than what we already have.   For the people of ancient Israel, the animal was a small price to pay for right relationship with God.  For any of the other examples I mentioned (leaders, artists, etc.) their time, commitment, practice and hard work was the price they paid to achieve.
  The question we ought to ask ourselves is: 'what is the most important thing to me?'  And if we can answer that question, the next one is: 'what am I willing to sacrifice to get that thing?'
  Well, it should come as no surprise that having started this post with the Bible, I would round out this reflection with the Bible as well.  According to the New Testament God sacrificed himself in order to pay the debt which humanity could not pay.  That means that God believed wholeheartedly that humanity was worth saving, it was God's highest good above simply enjoying himself, or starting over.  God decided that the most important thing was redeeming what He made so that He could reunite with us in relationship. 
  God prioritized you and me.  God loves you and me.  God sacrificed himself for you and me.
  That is how much God values you and me.
  In the life and death and resurrection of Jesus I recognize sacrifice. 
  And in the life and death and resurrection of Jesus I recognize both the cause and the fruit of sacrifice - love.  Thank you Jesus.  Thank you for your love.

Discouragement

  All of us feel discouraged along the way in life, and there are a variety of reasons we may experience discouragement.  Regardless of the circumstances and reasons why we may experience this, we all have a choice as to how we will respond when it happens.
  I don't believe pulling ourselves up by the bootstraps is the healthiest response and I don't believe in resigning to the discouragement either.  I think a tempered and authentic response with wisdom, patience and prayer is the best approach.  We need encouragement in the face of discouragement, and there's no greater encourager than Jesus Christ.
  There are many times in life when we need encouragement, that is, someone else to pour courage into us.  We need someone to help lift our spirits and lead us up and out of discouragement.
  This is why we need community.
  We need people to speak into our lives and to bring words that build up rather than tear down.
  And other people need us to be the ones who speak into their lives.
  It may very well be that the path out of our own discouragement begins with seeing someone else in our sphere of influence who is discouraged, and who we can encourage.  Look for the discouraged around you today, and let the encouragement flow.

Science and Theology

  I love science and I love theology.  I am a science nerd and a theology geek, and I wear these badges with pride!  I love science because I am deeply curious about how the world works.  I love theology because I love God and I have a faith that seeks to understand.

  Unfortunately, we live in a culture and a time when science and theology are portrayed as being at odds with one another.  There are a great deal of people who seem to think these two are enemies.

  My conviction is that truth is only found when we are relentlessly honest about our pursuit of it.  This means that along the journey of learning we will inevitably find ourselves asking some pretty hefty questions- and that is okay.  

  Science, as an avenue of exploration and discovery is certainly not without it's moral and ethical implications.  That is an important conversation point to have in our culture.  However, theology also has important moral and ethical implications, and thus we need to allow space and time to have these important discussions.

  More to the point, I believe the degree to which followers of Jesus disregard science and genuine curiosity they actually do harm to their faith, not to mention the faith of others.  If we believe God, revealed in Christ, is truly the source of all truth, then we will not be afraid of questions, we will not be afraid of inquiry and curiosity, and we will certainly not be afraid of science as it seeks to explain the workings of the natural world around us.

  A truly robust and healthy spirituality will involve lots of questions, deep reflection and genuine curiosity.  Christian faith has, for over 2000 years, produced some of the world's greatest scientific minds.  There are numerous examples of passionate scientists who followed Jesus and endeavored to explore and understand the natural world.

  As for me, a follower of Jesus, a pastor, a father of two inquisitive and curious children, and as a lover of all things science, I am going to continue to explore, think, question, inquire and learn until the day I die.  For as my dad used to tell me, "Once you stop learning, you stop growing." Observe, Examine, Experiment and Repeat.  And while you do so, think about how the things you are learning reveal the designer and maker behind it all. 

  

Timing is Everything

 

  Time fascinates me.  I love stories that involve time travel and all of the crazy and weird loops and twists that changing the past creates in the present. Or, how viewing the future changes what characters do when they return to their own time. 

  Time, for most of us Westerners, is a commodity that we spend.  We are frustrated when someone or something "wastes" our time.  We recognize that there are only so many hours in any given day.  Time doesn't stand still.  Time waits for no one.  Time is money and so on.

  Sometimes, something unexpected or unforeseen interrupts our planned use of time and then it feels as if time stands still.

  Sometimes, when we make the choice to retreat or vacation we feel the rest that comes with taking time away from work, even very good work.

  Time is a gift, every second of life is a gift, and that is important to remember.

   I have come to see time as one of the most important elements of reading the Bible.  Throughout the stories in Scripture time plays a key role and when we pay attention to the timing of any given story in the Bible, we will find that our understanding of God and human beings will change.

   There are stories in the Bible that take minutes to unfold, and others that take generations.

   But, paying attention to the timing of any given story will help us see a great deal that we need to see.

  There is a story in the Gospels where Jesus was walking along with his disciples, and a man named Jairus came running up to Jesus frantic and deeply concerned.  Jairus was a Jewish religious leader.  He taught people about the God of Israel, He prayed with people, and undoubtedly did a variety of other things as well.  But, Jairus was also a husband and a father.  And it is his role as a father that brought him to Jesus in this special story.

  When Jairus finds Jesus he pleads with him to come to his house, because his daughter is sick and apparently so much so that she is near death.  But, Jairus has faith.  He believes that if Jesus comes to his house, his daughter will be healed.  Jairus has heard the reputation of this carpenter from Nazareth.  He knows that many have testified to his power to heal, and he is desperate for the life of his daughter.  He is a truly loving dad.

  Jesus says yes and begins to make his way to Jairus' house.  And that is when it happens.

  Timing is everything.

  While Jesus, his disciples and Jairus are making their way through a very crowded street, a woman who has been bleeding for 12 years, pushes her way through the crowd and eventually reaches out to touch the hem of Jesus' outer robe.

  In a moment, time stands still, for Jesus.  He knows someone touched him and that power left him.

  He asks: "Who touched me?"  To which the disciples reply: "Are you serious, Jesus?" (my paraphrase)  They can't believe the question, because the crowd is so thick, they are wondering "Who hasn't touched you, Jesus?" (again my paraphrase)

  But, Jesus knows someone touched him, and when the woman reveals herself and that she has been healed.  Jesus blesses her and sends her away with hope and joy.

  Now, some of you reading this might be thinking "Wow!  That's great!" and you're right it is great, but remember this story began with a different person (Jairus) asking for help in healing his daughter, and the walk to his house has been interrupted by this whole interchange.  

  As a father myself, I can empathize with Jairus at this moment.  And I imagine that my internal clock of desperation would be screaming at me right now.  "Jesus!  We need to hurry!  My daughter is dying!  Don't you remember?!  You said you were going to help me, you were going to heal her!  We are wasting time!"

  And his worst fears are realized for only moments later someone arrives to deliver the most dreaded news a parent could ever hear.  "Jairus, don't bother Jesus anymore.  Your daughter is dead."

  Jairus is hit with the flood of emotions I am sure.  But, the first few moments are shock and terror.

  And in that moment when Jairus is wrestling with the harsh truth of the news he has just received, Jesus says, "Do not be afraid. Let's continue to your house."

  I don't know about Jairus, but I would be hard pressed to have hope.  Nevertheless, when Jesus arrives, he enters with three of his disciples and Jairus and the girl's mom.  And in one of his most dramatic miracles, Jesus raises this little girl from the dead.

  Now, for most of us, the timing of this story is hard because with Jesus in charge the story had to pass through death to get to healing and hope.

  I don't like this story, in spite of the amazing miracles that Jesus performs, because I believe it is trying to teach me that my sense of urgency and timing is not always in step with God's timing.  That is frustrating, but it also is illuminating, because it means that there are circumstances in my life where I think the timing is all off, or totally out of whack and I come to find out that what felt like ridiculous turned out to be redemptive.  

  The more I have studied the timing of God in the Scriptures, the more I have found myself praying for a rhythm and heartbeat that align with God's.  For while I like to think I am in control of my own destiny, and life and schedule - I know I am not, and like Jairus I need to relinquish my need to control time and allow space for God to do what God will do in me, through me and around me each and every day.  Timing is everything, and God's timing is perfect.  It doesn't always feel that way, but this truth cannot be denied the more we read the story of God in the Bible.

The Transformative Power of Vision

  The human body has several senses through which it encounters the world around it, we have ears to hear sound, we have taste buds to discern flavors in food and drink, we have skin with which we can translate texture, we have scent receptors in our noses through which we can discern attractive and repulsive smells, and of course there is the sense of sight.
  For most people the ability to see is a very important part of life.  We can't drive a car, or do a variety of other activities without sight.  And we readily recognize the challenges and limitations faced by those who have lost their sight.  I was reminded of this facet of daily living recently as I went in for a routine eye exam, and followed that up with ordering a new pair of glasses.
  As of the writing of this post I am wearing those new lenses, and my eyes are still adjusting to the new apparatus, but the longer I wear them the more comfortable my eyes become in seeing the world around me.
  I am fascinated by sight, because the various components required for this sense to work. Our eyes are dependent on light, without it we can't use our eye balls.  If there is enough light to see, the lenses in our eyes are working to focus on objects near and far in order to give us a picture of our surroundings.  And that information which is light received in the eye ball has to be translated via the optic nerve and interpreted in the brain.
  Wow!  That is so complex!
  And, the ability to see gives us a profound metaphor for the spiritual life. 
  If you read the accounts of Jesus' life in the books of Matthew, Mark, Luke and John, you will find stories where Jesus healed people of literal blindness.  There were numerous people whose paths crossed with Jesus, and when that happened they asked for him to restore their sight.  But, there are many types of blindness, and Jesus came to heal all of them.
  Another form of blindness Jesus came to heal was spiritual blindness.  This is even more complex than the physical body's process for receiving light and translating it into sight.  Spiritual vision is shaped by a variety of factors, but Jesus comes to provide us with clarity of sight, and ultimately release from the factors that blind us to spiritual truth.
  So how does one know where they are blind and where there vision is clear?
  Good question!  Thanks for asking!
  I won't pretend that I have all my vision ducks in a row; rather, I will begin by acknowledging that I am certain I don't see the full picture yet, but God continues to touch my eyes, open my heart and clarify the spiritual reality around me and most importantly inside me.
  I believe the first step in the process is coming to Jesus with empty hands and asking him to touch our eyes.  "Lord, reveal to me where I am blind. Open the eyes of my heart. Touch me so that I may see more clearly who you are, who I am, and what you are calling me to."
  It's a simple prayer, but hopefully in God's grace and timing we will find that we are able to see with greater clarity and focus the vision God has for His Creation, and our part in it. 

The Transformative Power of Listening

  There are few things in life as important or as transformative as listening.  Allow me to elaborate...when in comes to marriage the health of the relationship is vitally connected to the intentional listening of each spouse to the other.  When it comes to friendship, we would likely not want to spend time with people who never listen to us, and vice versa, others will probably not want to spend time with us if we never listen to them.  When it comes to learning, one cannot learn from someone else if they never listen to the other.  This is seen in obvious ways in education and classroom settings.  If students don't listen to their teachers then they certainly won't learn much.

  Listening is essential for life.  And it turns out, in the realm of spirituality and soul, listening is just as important as it is in any other arena.  

  The Bible is a story and God uses this special story to speak.

  But, if we are not careful we can come to the text of scripture with a variety of assumptions about it's purpose and content such that we are actually not listening.  One of the great tasks of the spiritual journey is listening to the text of scripture in order to allow it to speak on its own terms.

  This is not easy, and anyone who tells you it is, is sorely mistaken.

  Listening to the voice of God via the text of scripture requires patience, diligence, consistency and a willingness to hear whatever God wants to say.  Sometimes what God wants to say to us may bring a challenge, a hard word, an uncomfortable truth.  It is not always going to encourage, uplift or bring us joy; rather, sometimes we need to hear an undoing word from the Lord, a word that untangles us from ourselves, or breaks us in order to resurrect us.

  Make no mistake, we will come to the text of scripture and we will hear a great deal of encouraging, uplifting and helpful/joyful/exciting things, but if we are genuinely listening to the text, we will hear what we need to hear, not just what we want to hear, and that is where listening can be tough.

  Listening is vital for relationships, for learning, for the spiritual journey, and the more we practice, the stronger we will become at this vital life task.

  So, why not start today?!  Listen more carefully to that person who strikes up a conversation with you in the checkout line at the grocery store.  Listen more carefully to that person who is trying to teach you something.  Listen more carefully to your friend who is sharing a deep hurt and needs a listening ear.  Listen to your spouse, to your children, to your coworkers.  Listen and learn, and pay attention for the still small voice that whispers in your heart, and that resonates with the voice in scripture.  

  Listening will transform the way you live, and it will transform even the most difficult and frustrating and disheartening situations - and sometimes listening will bring that which is necessary.  Take time to listen a little better today.

Malestrom

  I recently finished reading the book pictured above, titled: "Malestrom: Manhood Swept into the Currents of a Changing World" by Carolyn Custis James.  I am of the firm conviction that no summary I can give will ever sufficiently replace reading a book on your own, and I would never want to lead someone to think that by reading my thoughts they have sufficient enough grasp of a book in order to not read it on their own.  So, having said that, my hearty recommendation is that you read this book for yourself!
  While reading this book, I found myself profoundly affected by the exegesis James does with the text of Scripture as a whole, helping me as a man see a great many things between the cultural and narratival lines that I had never seen before.  It was amazing!
  At the heart of this book, is the realization that most if not all of the Bible is written on the backdrop of a broken system called patriarchy.  Simply put, patriarchy is the cultural system in which men are the central power holders, and women and/or children are only assigned value in relationship to the men in their life.  For example, a woman is only valued in so much as she has a husband or sons.
  James is masterful in reading a variety of stories in the Bible with careful attention to the reality of patriarchy, and additionally, she opens the readers eyes to the work of God in the story to dismantle the brokenness of patriarchy all over the place.  There are numerous characters whose lives and actions back up James' reading of the text, but ultimately, she lands on Jesus as the penultimate patriarchy smasher.  And, Jesus is also the central Imago Dei (Image of God) restorer!
  My pastoral admonition to everyone is to read this and allow the text to be presented to you in a new and fresh way, that will hopefully help you see one key form of systemic brokenness while at the same time giving you hope that systems can be remade in light of the Gospel of Jesus, and men and women can enter into what James calls - "the Blessed Alliance."  Read it!

When the Bible Opens Anew

  

  Recently, I finished reading two books which have both challenged and blessed me as a student of the scriptures.  The first book is titled - "The Cross and the Lynching Tree" by Dr. James Cone.  The second book is titled - "Finding God in the Margins: The Book of Ruth" by Carolyn Custis James.  The first deals with the intersection of Theology, Race and History in America.  The second is a deep look into the patriarchal backdrop of the book of Ruth.  In both cases scripture, history and current events were illuminated by these authors and their perspectives.

  Regarding, "The Cross and the Lynching Tree" I will begin by saying that no summary or observations I will make here can substitute for reading this book on your own.  I highly recommend it, as a text for insight into race relations in the United States, and as a theological text for grappling with the evils done because of the sin of racism.  I have read several of James Cone's books, and took a class on his work while in seminary, and I found this one the most insightful of all.

  Fair warning, it is not a light-hearted read; rather, it wrestles with the history of white Americans lynching black Americans between the Civil War and into the Civil Rights Movement.  The graphic detail is necessary to understand the devious and sinister nature of racism in the United States, and while it may make people uncomfortable, that is often a key side effect of hearing the truth.

  What I found most insightful and most disturbing was the compartmentalization done by white Christians, who claimed they followed a crucified Lord, and who celebrated the lynching of innocent blacks as a terrorist action meant to keep an entire demographic enslaved to fear.  Cone candidly and directly shows the hypocrisy of a faith which follows Jesus of Nazareth to the Cross of Calvary, and minutes later after hymns and sermons in pristine chapels walked out to trees where innocent black folk swung from nooses.  

  While the theological insight was powerful and eye opening, I found that the most important effect this book had on me was the invitation to reflect on my journey of learning American history.  Even before I had finished reading the book, I came to the realization that as a white male who grew up in Northern Minnesota, I didn't hear about lynching in the U.S. history books.  I didn't hear about the various forms of torture and terror that white Christians leveled against black men, women and children over the course of the 100 years since the end of slavery.  I didn't know about any of it, and in the same moment, I was also reminded of my privilege.  

  Some people do not believe there is such a thing as white privilege, but I am convinced that the twin sins of racism and hatred have over millennia created unwritten structures, rules and hierarchies which are the byproduct of generations of groups hating one another.

  White privilege is an undercurrent of reality, that most whites are blind to, because they benefit from it.  Black people don't need to be taught about privilege, because they experience the harmful effects of it regularly.  Examples include, but are not limited to - a much higher rate of arrest and accusation of crimes, being treated differently in stores by salespeople, and a much higher incarceration rate than most other ethnic demographics in the U.S.

  This was far more than a book of history, or some theoretical work of theology and doctrine, this book did what the best books do, it took something from the level of thought and reflection and brought it down to the level of life and action.  It left me asking many questions of myself, as a highly educated, white male, but more importantly as a Jesus follower and pastor.  One question among them rose to the surface: "What are you going to do about this reality?"  And, while I have a great many ideas, I believe my first step has to be to continue the learning journey of understanding the privilege I experience and the negative effects of that privilege on those who don't share it with me simply on the basis of having a different skin color.

  

  The second book titled - "Finding God in the Margins" by Carolyn Custis James, walked me through the book of Ruth in a very insightful way, and while it's main topic was not racism in America, there was a clear connection between the main themes of James Cone's book and this book.  

  James walks readers through the story of Ruth, a short four chapter long text, nestled between Judges and 1 Samuel.  For so many people this story is a biblical romance story, but James will not let us oversimplify or reduce the book of Ruth to just one genre.  As with Cone's book, I highly recommend you read this on your own, for what little observation I offer here will not do the whole book justice.  

  The key component of insight from this book for me was a deeper understanding of patriarchy and its effects both in the book of Ruth, and in the contemporary world.  Simply put, patriarchy is the name for a society built by men, for men, and in which all others (women and children) are valueless without a direct connection to men.

  In Ruth's case, she and her mother-in-law, Naomi, are valueless as they return to Israel from Moab, without husbands or sons.  They are man-less in a culture that will only value them if they are married or have produced sons through marriage.  

  I can't read this little book with the same simplistic romance bent any longer.  The 'behind the scenes' context which James has illuminated can't be erased in my mind and now I am beginning to see the impact of both patriarchy and God's condemnation of it throughout the entirety of the text of scripture.

  And not only that, it has challenged me to see the continuing effects of patriarchy on society today.  Even in the U.S. where the word egalitarian is thrown around as if it is the norm, there are still very strong remnants of patriarchy at work in many areas of culture.  Examples include, but are not limited to - the way a woman is treated if she brings an accusation of sexual impropriety against a man, the way salespeople treat a woman versus a man, and the attempts to make women fit molds made by men for men.

  I could wax on for days about this book, but that would again rob you of the opportunity to read it for yourself.  Sufficed to say, I recommend it.  It has challenged me to look at the world with open eyes, eyes to see the curtain of evil that lurks behind gender relations. This curtain can only be seen when we understand how power works when it is misused to put men over women, rather then seeing what James calls - 'The Blessed Alliance.'

Identity

  One of the most common and most frightening questions people ask themselves is - Who am I?  And there is no shortage of ideas people provide to answer that question.  People define their identity in numerous and varied ways, and the desire to 'know thyself' is deep.

  I have wrestled with defining my identity via my cultural and ethnic background, by my work and achievements, by my failures and mistakes, and a host of other things as well.  I have heard people say "My mistakes do not define me!" or "My past does not define me." or "I just want to be myself."  And at the heart of these statements I believe is the wrestling match we have with ourselves over what will define who we are.

  So, this big question requires some deep thought and considerable exploration.

  Over the course of my spiritual journey with Jesus, I have wrestled with this question, and I have wrestled with what really defines me at the core.  I won't claim I have this all figured out, because I don't, but I will say this: the more I have leaned into the love of Jesus as a core identity marker, the less other things have come to define my identity.  For example, as a student in high school, I loved success and achievement.  I won numerous awards, I participated in many different student organizations, I was a three sport athlete and heavily involved in my church community.  And the more I have reflected on this stage of life, the more I have come to see how I sought identity in my accomplishments.  I felt something every time I was handed a certificate with my name on it, or every time I checked off items on my personal goals list, or received recognition from teachers, coaches, other adults and friends.  I think I loved the feeling so much that it began to define how I saw myself.  And then I went to college...

  When the accolades and the notoriety and recognition waned, because I wasn't the smartest anymore, or one of the most athletic, or the most accomplished in my peer group I found myself searching for another way to define myself.

  It was in college that I was first introduced to Henri Nouwen.  I don't have the time to fully flesh out Nouwen's biography here, sufficed it to say, that Nouwen is a notable author in the area of soul formation.  The first book I read of his was 'In the Name of Jesus', a little paperback book on leadership.  Since then, I have read nearly every book he has written. (There are quite a few!)

  Nouwen opened my eyes for the first time to another path in answering the identity question.  The path of Jesus.  I had never considered that Jesus may be offering me an answer to this very potent question, and when I began to meditate on the possibility it set in motion a new phase of my spiritual journey.  Now, instead of asking 'Who am I?', I began asking - 'Who is Jesus?' and the follow up - 'Who does Jesus say I am?'  This simple and yet profound reframing of the deep question of identity has radically changed my life.  Before, my endeavors were entirely based in what I could do, think, accomplish and achieve.  Now, my work is defined differently, my sense of calling and purpose are defined differently.  Now, I find that it is the love of Jesus for me that compels me to give of myself and think bigger than I did before.

   I see relationship at the heart of reality, and at the heart of my identity.  First relationship with Jesus, and second relationship with other people.  And my identity is not wrapped up in what others think of me as much as what Jesus has done for me, and says about me.

  In Nouwen's words, "I am his beloved."  And, because I am, I now find an identity far larger and more fulfilling than any other I have every pursued.

   Just to be clear, I have not attained this identity in its fullest form.  I have days where any number of things tug and pull at me, and the struggle to define my identity is more messy than neat.  But, I can hear Jesus whispering to me: "I love you. I saved you. And I have work for you to do."

   "Listen to me, follow me, and I will show you who you were meant to be."

   If you are asking yourself core questions regarding your identity, I invite you to consider the Jesus way, it will rock you to your core.

  

Confessions of a Recovering Perfectionist

Hi, my name is Sam, and I am a recovering perfectionist.

There are probably a number of reasons why people develop the tendency toward perfectionism.  Maybe it's psychological or biological wiring.  Maybe it's birth order or family dynamics growing up.  Maybe it's life experiences that shape and push us toward perfectionism.  I don't have the answer to where it comes from, all I know is how I have tried to deal with it over the course of my own journey.

Perfectionism hasn't always had negative effects in my life.  It is possible to see my penchant for organization and productivity and efficiency as results of my perfectionism.  And yet, if I am honest with myself I know that the negative effects may far outweigh these potentially positive results of my perfectionism.

One such negative is the anger that perfectionism produces.  I had never in my life ever thought of myself as an angry person.  If you were to ask anyone who knows me, they would most likely use words like patient, kind and friendly to describe my personality and relationships.  However, while on the journey of seeking to understand my perfectionism, I ran across a personality inventory known as the Enneagram and a book which delves into its depths.  There is a book on the Enneagram by Richard Rohr, which opened my eyes to the insidious and largely undiscovered darkness of my perfectionism.  According to the Enneagram Type Indicator, I am a One, which largely struggles with perfectionism.  But, what I didn't know was that my perfectionism brought with it a root sin - anger.
Ironically, when I read this the first time, it made me angry.  I thought to myself "I am not an angry person!"  "My friends know I am kind, patient and very friendly!" "Who are you to tell me that I struggle with anger!"  And then when those first angry reactions subsided enough for me to think more clearly, it dawned on me, that I did suffer from a form of anger that was quite subtle. 

I call it self-anger.

I am a patient, kind and friendly person with others, but I struggle with anger toward myself when my plans don't work out the way I wanted, or work I invest in doesn't quite turn out the way I had hoped, or when I make mistakes...I get angry and I direct that anger toward myself and internalize it and it then fuels my perfectionism to do better the next time and not make the same mistakes twice and work harder then before.

So, the next question for me was: "What do I do with this information?"  Well, I discovered shortly thereafter (and I credit Jesus with revealing this next step to me) that in order to find freedom from my perfectionism I had to embrace my imperfection, and not just on my own, for that would surely lead me right back into the cycle of enslaving anger and perfection.  Rather, I had to embrace my imperfection while allowing Jesus to embrace me.

This was tough, because I had sat in the cycle of perfectionism for so long, that it was normative and anything else was foreign, especially the idea of sitting with my own imperfections in the presence of Jesus.  But, the very first time I attempted to do this I found something I had been seeking and I didn't even know it.  I found peace.

Not the inner peace the Eastern religions often describe and often ascribe to meditation - aimed at escaping from reality.  Not the peace that is absent of conflict either.

No, rather, peace that truly surpassed understanding. I found peace that allowed me to fully embrace reality with all of its messiness, brokenness and imperfection right here in front of me, and more importantly inside of me.  And it was amazing.  I recognized that while holding my imperfections in my own heart and soul, and allowing Jesus to surround me in his embrace, that my perfectionism had begun to lose its grip on me!

Now, I don't want to mislead you, I am far from complete or finished on this journey.  But, I can say this - Jesus has begun to do a wondrous work in my perfectionist heart, mind and soul - and I believe now more then ever he is going to bring it to completion!

For me, it requires regular space and time with Jesus.  In silence and prayer, in journaling and reflection Jesus embraces me, and I am continuing to practice self-embrace of my imperfection.

I will conclude with this, if you are a recovering perfectionist like me, or you are slowly having your eyes opened to your perfectionism.  Rest assured, there is freedom in the perfectly loving embrace of Jesus and his perfect love is the only thing that will release you from the anger or whatever other symptoms your perfectionism has produced in you.  Rest in his arms, Rest in his love, Open your hands and your soul to his perfect love, and he will give you something altogether far greater then perfectionism.  He will give you Himself.

Soul Soil

  I was recently reading a parable of Jesus in the fourth chapter of Mark's Gospel.  It has been referred to as the Parable of the Sower.  Jesus teaches a crowd about what it looks like to receive the Word of God.  In his parable there are four different types of soil.  (1) Heavily trodden, like on a path or walkway (2) Rocky, where there are many stones and little actual soil (3) Thorny, where a variety of rough and life draining plants grow in the soil as well (4) Deep/Rich, where seeds grow well and produce great fruit.  For as long as I can remember, I have heard this parable interpreted within the boundaries of evangelism and outreach.  Those who hear the Word, are the ones who receive Jesus and see great fruit.  And to a great degree this reading of the parable makes sense because of how Jesus actually explains it to his own disciples right after teaching it to the crowds.
  What I found interesting in this most recent read through, however, was that I found myself reflecting back on seasons of my own spiritual journey.  I felt as if the different types of soil reflected my own heart in different seasons.  And I came to see that while this definitely has a classical interpretation, it may actually serve another purpose as well.  It may be a helpful diagnostic on the condition of our souls on any given day of our spiritual journey.  We may find that on some days we are robbed of the joy of the Word because of the work of Satan.  We may find that on some days our neglect of the soil in our souls creates harsh conditions for seeds to grow.  We may find that on some days our distractions, obligations, and overly busy lives generate plentiful weeds, and very little fruit for the Kingdom of Jesus, because any seeds he is sowing are choked by our weedy lives.  And, as is the hope, we will find there are days where our hearts are in alignment with the Spirit's leading, and the soil of our souls is fertile and cultivated and deep.  And it is in this soil that the Word (Jesus) is planted and grows and reaches up and produces great and beautiful fruit.
  The beauty of the parable is of course in its organic nature.  The agricultural imagery and the earthy biological backbone to it all really resonates with life as we follow Jesus.  And the main point is, as stewards of our own souls - what kind of soil are we cultivating?  Are we cultivating it at all?  And do we need to put on some gloves, break out the shovel and rake, and break up, weed or fertilize our hearts so they are better at receiving whatever it is that the Lord wants to plant in us.

Finding Jesus in the Stories of Superheroes

  For much of my life I have believed in and followed Jesus, and as a result his story has been embedded in my mind and imagination for as long as I can remember.  Additionally, I have been drawn to the stories of fictional super heroes.  My first superhero encounter was with Superman, whose story actually mirrors that of Moses from the Old Testament. (a blog post for another day...) I really only liked wearing the Superman "S" on my chest because I thought it was cool that a superhero had my first and last initial on his outfit!  But, over the years I encountered others - Spiderman, Thor, the Flash, the Incredible Hulk, Batman so on and so forth.  It wasn't until the past few years that I discovered many other superheroes whose stories I had previously never heard.  Heroes like Antman, Black Panther and the Guardians of the Galaxy. Through the Marvel Cinematic Universe, and the parallel DC movies like Man of Steel and Wonder Woman, I have discovered more and more about heroes I had never known.
  One example, was the character and story of the man known as Doctor Stephen Strange, whose picture I posted above.  I had never read the Dr. Strange comics, I hadn't even heard of him until Marvel began previewing the upcoming film about his origin story.
   Having been sucked into the swirling vortex of Marvel's Cinematic Hero Universe, I felt compelled to see this movie in the theater.  I was not only surprised, I was amazed and intrigued and for a number of reasons.  He is clearly a brilliant superhero, being a medical doctor with both an M.D. and a Ph.D.  He had a passion for bringing science and technology to bear on the great ailments and diseases of humanity.  Long before he 'received' his special set of super powers, Dr. Strange was already saving lives, it was his passion.  Admittedly, he was arrogant and self-centered and ultimately when he found himself unable to do surgery after a devastating accident severely injured his hands, he hit rock bottom.  But, the thing that strikes me most about his story is that he is never actually healed of his injury.  The scars remain on his hands, and after he is given the power to become the Sorcerer Supreme and protect Earth from all manner of  weird and mystical threats, his brilliance and intellect are humbled by his new physical limitations.
  I see in Dr. Strange's story a parallel to the life and journey of Jesus Christ.  Jesus was put to death on a cross, having his hands pierced by nails, and it is one of the central beliefs of Christianity that in Christ's wounds all of humanity is saved from sin and death.  It is the great irony of the Gospel (good news) that Jesus' death is actually what saves the world.  My love for Dr. Strange was only amplified by the fact that it is his wounds which paved the way for his superhero journey, and that while he now has amazing magical powers, he daily bears the scars on his body.
  There are clearly deviations from the story of Jesus in the life of Dr. Strange, but whenever I see pictures of him or see his character portrayed by the amazingly talented Benedict Cumberbatch, I am always subtly reminded of Jesus and how his wounded hands have set me free.

Eclecticology

This new name for my 10 year old blog, communicates the essence of what I have been trying to do with this platform.  I have over the course of these years commented on movies, and books and life experiences.  It has been truly eclectic.  And now, in making up a new word, I feel I have finally captured the concept of what I have been trying to do with this blog.

And so, it is with great excitement that I reenter the blogosphere with the goal of contributing thoughts and reflections on a diversity of topics.

I hope that my expressions, reflections and thoughts create a forum of invitation for others to read, think, ponder and observe.