I have wrestled with defining my identity via my cultural and ethnic background, by my work and achievements, by my failures and mistakes, and a host of other things as well. I have heard people say "My mistakes do not define me!" or "My past does not define me." or "I just want to be myself." And at the heart of these statements I believe is the wrestling match we have with ourselves over what will define who we are.
So, this big question requires some deep thought and considerable exploration.
Over the course of my spiritual journey with Jesus, I have wrestled with this question, and I have wrestled with what really defines me at the core. I won't claim I have this all figured out, because I don't, but I will say this: the more I have leaned into the love of Jesus as a core identity marker, the less other things have come to define my identity. For example, as a student in high school, I loved success and achievement. I won numerous awards, I participated in many different student organizations, I was a three sport athlete and heavily involved in my church community. And the more I have reflected on this stage of life, the more I have come to see how I sought identity in my accomplishments. I felt something every time I was handed a certificate with my name on it, or every time I checked off items on my personal goals list, or received recognition from teachers, coaches, other adults and friends. I think I loved the feeling so much that it began to define how I saw myself. And then I went to college...
When the accolades and the notoriety and recognition waned, because I wasn't the smartest anymore, or one of the most athletic, or the most accomplished in my peer group I found myself searching for another way to define myself.
It was in college that I was first introduced to Henri Nouwen. I don't have the time to fully flesh out Nouwen's biography here, sufficed it to say, that Nouwen is a notable author in the area of soul formation. The first book I read of his was 'In the Name of Jesus', a little paperback book on leadership. Since then, I have read nearly every book he has written. (There are quite a few!)
Nouwen opened my eyes for the first time to another path in answering the identity question. The path of Jesus. I had never considered that Jesus may be offering me an answer to this very potent question, and when I began to meditate on the possibility it set in motion a new phase of my spiritual journey. Now, instead of asking 'Who am I?', I began asking - 'Who is Jesus?' and the follow up - 'Who does Jesus say I am?' This simple and yet profound reframing of the deep question of identity has radically changed my life. Before, my endeavors were entirely based in what I could do, think, accomplish and achieve. Now, my work is defined differently, my sense of calling and purpose are defined differently. Now, I find that it is the love of Jesus for me that compels me to give of myself and think bigger than I did before.
I see relationship at the heart of reality, and at the heart of my identity. First relationship with Jesus, and second relationship with other people. And my identity is not wrapped up in what others think of me as much as what Jesus has done for me, and says about me.
In Nouwen's words, "I am his beloved." And, because I am, I now find an identity far larger and more fulfilling than any other I have every pursued.
Just to be clear, I have not attained this identity in its fullest form. I have days where any number of things tug and pull at me, and the struggle to define my identity is more messy than neat. But, I can hear Jesus whispering to me: "I love you. I saved you. And I have work for you to do."
"Listen to me, follow me, and I will show you who you were meant to be."
If you are asking yourself core questions regarding your identity, I invite you to consider the Jesus way, it will rock you to your core.
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